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Remember when you first started your romantic relationship, when things felt more poetic? Sex was the best it ever was, and you told yourselves in the relationship that this would always be the way it would be. Wrong. Sex in a relationship is like all the other things: you must work on it and work towards reigniting the newness and the exploring of one another, even when nothing is feeling new. A dry spell in your relationship doesn’t mean it’s time to move on. A dry spell with your partner means a commitment must be made to increasing communication, connection, and understanding. Here are some quick tips for enhancing intimacy and re-lighting that flame when experiencing a dry spell. 

COMMUNICATION: 

2. Create an environment where you can both talk freely. This is easier said than done when experiencing a dry spell with your partner. Listen to your partner’s point of view, not defend yourself. Allowing you to have a space to explore your thoughts, feelings, underlying issues, desires, and fantasies can open more opportunities for you to do just that. Explore these things. Nothing is sexier than being validated and feeling heard by the person you want to be with.
3. Explore needs and desires. Understanding what you truly want and need in a relationship is essential. Dig deep. It’s more than just wanting to have sex. Honesty is key, and being able to express this can help reveal some barriers to getting what you need in the relationship. Often, partners will identify they want the same things but are going about getting them in two entirely different ways. Read more here about the consequences of bottling emotions. 
4. Actively listen to one another, pay attention, put away any distractions, listen to what they are experiencing, and leave the judgments at the door. 

EMOTIONAL CONNECTION: 

2. Dedicate quality time with one another. It’s not enough to see one another every day. Or watch TV at the end of the night. Quality time is time the two of you have dedicated to one another and your relationship. Yes, this can be done by watching TV together, but how can you make it more meaningful? Can you put down your phones while watching this together? What about sitting in different spots to watch TV together? There are little things you can do to spend quality time together that don’t need to be a chore. 
3. Explore shared interests together. Engage in activities and hobbies that you can enjoy together. If you both like music, what about sharing a new song or band together? Make a mix tape (playlist) for your partner. Plan an event where you can listen to music you can both enjoy. If you both already like these things, why not share them in meaningful ways together to connect more? Sharing interests and improving quality time can help get you out of that dry spell with your partner and enhance intimacy. 
4. Express affection in every way you can. Ask your partner how they like to express affection. Tell them how you want to receive affection. Look for ways to do these things daily and often. Schedule time to check in with one another so that you can make sure you’re both following through with these things together. Small gestures like holding hands, a cuddle, and a hug can go a long way. Remember, every touch does not mean that sex is implied or will happen. However, it can improve intimacy in your relationship. 

INTIMACY BUILDING

2. Focus on sensual touch. Sensual touch is non-sexual touching, where the focus is on what it feels like rather than on what touch leads to sex. This can be anything. It can be massages, brushing your partner’s hair, having your partner groom your beard, bathing together, hugs, cuddles, etc. The possibilities can be endless when you communicate with your partner what feels good and is stress-relieving. It can improve the connection you feel during intimacy with your partner. 
3. Revisit romance and recreate moments from the early stages of your relationship. This can be visiting places in the past when you went on a date together, recreating a special or favorite meal you had together, etc. Again, communication will be vital to talking about these things and working towards increasing the opportunities for romance. Setting the scene for romance can help get you out of that dry spell with your partner. 
4. Try something new. Anyone can be content with the same routine day in and day out, but switching it up can be exciting. Experiment with new experiences together. This can be a new hobby or a new sexual position. Talk about what this will look like and how this can be exciting. Consent is critical when talking about desires and fantasies and creating new sexual experiences with one another. 

FOCUS ON CONNECTION

2. Practice being in the moment and present during intimate moments. The to-do list and all the added day-to-day things will remain there, even if you take moments to be close to your partner. Being present and focused on your partner will enhance the experience and the connection. 
3. Be open to change. You are not who you both were when you met. You are different and are growing. Embrace the change you are making in the relationship and be open to adapting to one another’s needs and desires. Read more about unleashing your authenticity. 

PATIENCE AND UNDERSTANDING

2. Be patient. The dry spell you’re experiencing didn’t happen overnight, and building back the intimacy will take time. However, it will be worth the effort in the long term. 
3. Understanding changes happen over time. Changes in sex drives are common issues that couples face. Most couples are hot and heavy to start with and fizzle over time because you get into a routine. Focus on the connection and intimacy outside of the physical touch. 

MUTUAL EFFORT

2. Share the responsibility in your relationship. Both partners should be active in rebuilding intimacy and connection, showing empathy, and supporting each other’s efforts. It’s not going to happen if only one of you has decided to do this and hasn’t shared these intentions and plans with the other. 
3. Celebrate success. This cannot be said enough. Celebrate success as a couple. Acknowledge and celebrate small steps towards building intimacy back. Tell each other what you like and what has made you feel emotionally closer to the other. 

Remember that every relationship is unique. It’s important to be honest when talking about topics regarding sex and intimacy and working towards creating a safe and non-judgmental environment to have these tough conversations. Be patient with one another and embrace the changes you are about to have together. It’s you and your partner against this issue, not you and your partner against each other.